Seems hard to believe another year has come and gone already.

A year ago at this time I was facing a tremendous amount of physical pain from an osteoarthritic condition in my left knee and I had found out the cause of it: Bone on bone.

Needless to say I was not in a good mental space about the news. Being in horrible pain daily and knowing the only real answer for the condition would be a total knee replacement.

I started having knee trouble in 2010 which started with my first arthroscopic on my right knee which at the time was to fix torn cartilage. Turns out then I did not have torn cartilage (yet) but a massively enlarged plica and cartilage that was beginning to fray. So they removed the plica and cleaned up the cartilage.

Plica is tissue we are all born with that wraps around the kneecap and can become enlarged when overused and is a condition that occurs from cycling a lot which of course I was doing a lot of that at the time. My plica was 10X larger than it should have been so it can rub near your kneecap and feel like torn cartilage but isn’t torn cartilage which explains why the MRI was negative for torn cartilage.

I was told in 2010 that I had some bone exposed on the lateral side of my right knee. I put that in a file at the back of my brain because I absolutely positively did not want to go there or what that might mean one day because in my eyes bone on bone would be a death sentence.

Why do I say that?

Because for those humans like me who value fitness and exercise and who use it to help handle stress or depression…well, if that gets taken away the mindset suffers. And does it suffer.

In 2010 the recovery I had was pretty long and awful and painful…but I did recover and went on to continue to enjoy cycling, other cardio activities (the step mill is my favorite…yeah, the rotating stair case that kicks your ass, yes, that one is my favorite), and my hot yoga practice.

Moving forward to 2016 now and after jumping off of some rocks into the Wenatchee river on an absurdly extra hot 4th of July get away I did damage my right knee with torn cartilage.

After making a return trip the orthopedist I was seeing at the time (Dr. Peter Mandt at Proliance in Bellevue whom I do not recommend), I did go in again for arthroscopic on my right knee to remove the torn cartilage.

Another long recovery that did not end well since I had been favoring it for so long I ended up injuring one of my right hamstring attachments while playing golf on a summer get away to Bend. I felt like someone had literally come up behind me and toe booted me in my right butt cheek.

Imagine the base of your ass cheek in so much pain you can’t sit for very long unless it’s on an ice pack. Not fun.

So in that time I was denied my usual physical activities for about three months while I was looking for work as I had gotten laid off at the same time. (Thank you Amazon).

So once again I came back but I’ll say that my hamstring attachment has never been quite the same and I am careful to this day to not aggravate it.

Moving to 2018. After stepping out of a sand trap kinda hard while playing golf on a trip to Cabo that I had won for my new job (which was amazing and awesome) I hurt my left knee this time.

Went back to Dr. Mandt. Torn cartilage left knee which meant a third arthroscopic. Good times.

So in April of 2018 I went in to have my left knee scoped and repaired. Long and awful process afterwards that eventually became NO RECOVERY.

I went in to the summer of 2018 thinking my left knee would get better…but it didn’t, and in the end it would not.

Being athletic you learn how to block shit out. You live with a certain level of pain all the time especially if you are used to pushing yourself.

By October of 2018 I was still not feeling any better. Went back to Dr. Mandt where he did a steroid injection. I had about two weeks where I felt like my old life was back. I was going to spin classes again, using the elliptical, and practicing hot yoga.

At the same time x-rays were taken and Dr. Mandt went over the films with me and told me there was joint space. I clearly saw space myself between my femur and tibia.

So I thought “it will have to get better.”

It did not get better.

It got worse.

While traveling for work in December of 2018 I was so miserable with pain yet again. I went back to Dr. Mandt, an MRI was ordered, and then he told me I was bone on bone.

I had no words at the time because just two months before that I was told there was no bone on bone and there was space there.

You can only imagine what my mind did at that time.

My death sentence had arrived.

I went to a pretty dark place trying to figure out my next steps. I was devastated. Yes, it’s not like I got a terminal diagnosis, but it felt like one to me because I didn’t know how I was going to survive without exercise.

When you take the activities away from the active person, they suffer.

I first cried for a few days. I cried a lot. I kept thinking what did I do to deserve facing a total knee replacement at the age of 53??

I thought about how I started running when I was 13. I did track. Before that at the age of 9 I started playing soccer, basketball, and softball.

I was a skier through high school and I also played volleyball.

I chose soccer as my favorite sport and played it pretty much for 20 years. I played both indoor and outdoor and had at least two games every week. In between I was a runner and would do two laps around Greenlake often.

I lifted weights. Especially heavy weights with my legs because I wanted the muscles to be extra strong for soccer which in my mind would help prevent knee injuries like torn ACL’s.

I started practicing hot power yoga in 2000 and eventually became a yoga teacher in 2013.

I started to think about all the shit I had done and I started to blame myself. I kept thinking I should have run less, I should have done lighter weight lifting, I should have not pushed myself so hard for so long.

My athletic friends were around but not really. No one knows what it is like to have to face the prospect of losing mobility until they have to. I felt alone and scared and unsure. I can’t blame anyone because it’s hard to relate to something you haven’t gone through…but it’s lonely on this side sometimes.

So what did I do? I went to work! I started researching and figuring out my next steps.

I did a lot of networking with people I know and got names of good doctors as I was DONE with Dr. Mandt whom I felt had really let me down. In 2018 he didn’t bother to read the radiology report for my left knee and he kind of bragged to me at one appointment that he didn’t need to because he has seen enough of them.

I can’t help but wonder if the egotistical idiot had actually read the radiology report that maybe the radiologist would have said something about bone on bone. In the spirit of ownership I should have pursued that, but at the time I trusted Dr. Mandt to do the right thing and tell me the situation.

My take away is that in 2018 when Dr. Mandt did the arthroscopic for torn cartilage that procedure basically lead to me being bone on bone. The only answer for torn cartilage is to cut it out which limits the amount of cartilage left.

I could have skipped nearly a year of my life being completely messed up had I known a bit sooner that I was bone on bone and needed a new knee. A whole year!

I also talked to people. I interviewed two people that had total knee replacements and felt reassured that I would be okay and that there is a new life afterwards. What was especially helpful was to talk to a former soccer teammate of mine who had a total knee three years before and how well she was doing now. She is Scottish and she told me to stop thinking about it and “just DEW IT.” This gave me so much hope!

So I did my research and went to two different doctors with a third on the list, and landed on Dr. Paul Manner at UW Medicine. I chose him because I researched knee replacement brands and found Conformis.

I found Conformis online and started watching patient testimonials and saw a video of a woman 10 years younger than me who teaches yoga and spin classes. She had a total knee at 42 and was rocking it so I decided I wanted what she had.

So I got in line. Took months of having to continue to endure agony until May of 2019 where I had my left knee totally replaced with Conformis. Conformis knee replacement is made with 3D printing technology that matches the replacement to your bones exactly. A CT scan of your knee is done and they use that to create a knee replacement just for you.

Within two months after my left knee was replaced I was back on my yoga mat, on the golf course, and doing some walking and gentle cycling. As I continued to recover I got my range of motion to 130 degrees. Not completely perfect, but before my range of motion was worse. I was able to enjoy 30 minutes on the elliptical for the first time in a year. A YEAR!! I cried I was so happy!!

As the rest of 2019 began to wind down I knew that my right knee was also in trouble. I couldn’t really push myself the way I normally do and when I did push a little I paid for it. I went back to see the doc in September and yes, similar arthritic condition as the left knee and the right knee also moved in a super creepy way that it should not because of again bone on bone. Fortunately I wasn’t to the same level of agony the left knee was before I had surgery so it wasn’t as difficult of a journey.

December 9th I had my right knee totally replaced. It’s been three weeks and two days. I am still pretty darned sore but I am driving and walking unaided. I went to the gym on the weekend and did abs and lifted weights. I am on my way back!!

So looking back at all of this I realized that my life has been on hold to some degree or another due to my knee problems since 2016. I cannot say how amazing it is to just think about being normal again. The healing process takes nine months to a year I’ve been told.

I am fine with that and I look forward to enjoying my road bike again, using the step mill, and getting back to spin classes.

I wanted to write about this experience to help anyone else out there facing the same thing. Knee replacement is not a death sentence after all.

I will say it is not easy and it’s through the roof in terms of pain. I’ve not given birth nor had a kidney stone but I venture to guess a total knee is pretty close to those pain levels. It takes everything, and I a mean EVERYTHING to work through the recovery process.

Being athletic has helped me recover faster because like I said earlier, mental pain blocking helps, and the toughness required to overcome is also required. There is also no doubt that my yoga practice has helped me recover.

The rehab process is slow and also not easy as it does create more pain to get the range of motion back again.

The cool thing is it does get better and I know 2020 is going to be great in that I will be enjoying my road bike again, my yoga mat (without gasping in pain holding warrior I or II), walking my mutts, climbing the step mill, and enjoying spin classes again.

The other thing that creeps in to all of this is the aging thing. That’s why I felt like the weirdo being at least 10 years too young to have this done.

Let’s face it friends getting older and dealing with middle aged bullshit is not particularly fun. Dealing with a world that I feel is rather age biased the last thing I want anyone to know is “hey, I’ve replaced both my knees…so sexy.” NOT!

What I’ve learned is even if something seems like the absolute end of the world, it doesn’t have to be. Having walked through this whole process I was able to get informed, stop freaking out, dig in, chin up, and carry on.

I’ll see you guys out there on my bike this spring!

Here’s to a great, 2020!!