Are you tired of trying to keep a friendship alive?

Are you always disappointed when people commit then back out?

Are you tired of people saying they will get back to you, but never do?

Do you feel disrespected and not valued?

Do you feel discarded?

Then this blog is for you.

I don’t know about y’all, but I am DONE. I am done with friends that only reach out when they need something or have something or want something.

DONE.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am almost fucking 60.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with lame friends that can’t be bothered to stay in touch or commit to anything unless it serves them.

Maybe I am the sucker, here, not sure, but if you read my high school yearbook they all say in there “oh, you are so loyal, so kind….yadda, yadda, yadda…”

Yes, I am a loyal friend.

I am friends to people that never remember my birthday, anniversary or when I lost a pet, a parent or something terrible…but you’re damn right I am there for you…

Now that I’ve listened the “Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins https://www.melrobbins.com/book/the-let-them-theory/ which I highly recommend…I am done with this kind of loyalty.

Trace it back to my relationship with my mother. I was always there for her…always trying to fix her “problems,” etc. It was a lost cause, but in my mind as a kid I always thought if I could “fix” it she would be better and not a drunk, crazy borderline personality awful human and actually care about me and my life. Well, that didn’t really work out until she got too sick to realize that she had to be nicer in the end. I lost her in 2014.

Before you judge me please go and look up Borderline Personality Disorder. Have fun.

Once you know, you know.

That being said…I have retired friends that should really have no busyness, but they are “too busy” to spend any time. I am judging this I know, but I am so frustrated spending so much of my time trying to be that great friend and giving them the space and the time and all I get in return? CRICKETS. Yep, those kinda creepy critters that chirp at night other than this climate…in other words NOTHING.

So I’ve decided I am kinda done with the bullshit.

So I am LETTING THEM. Yes, I am letting them be just the thing they want to be without me in it anymore.

Which according to the book Mel Robbins says “then let me….” This is a big step because it means letting a lot of friendships go that I have personally tried and tried to maintain throughout my adult life with very little in return. The statement “let me” means taking ownership over my own thoughts and words and sometimes that means letting something go that just doesn’t serve a person anymore. I’ve stayed in these “friendships” because of history and or loyalty. My point is it may not always be worth it anymore. Life changes shit.

My question is…How are y’all that fucking busy? I don’t think they are all that busy they just don’t fucking care. They have other priorities…my point being…just FUCKING SAY SO and I won’t waste my time anymore.

I also have friends that are work-a-holics. And can’t be bothered to answer the phone and only text at their convenience and expect me to drop everything and respond when they have something to say because they are some big attorney fighting a big cause. They expect their friends to always be friends…despite their lack of engagement or caring in general.

I know friendships change over time that is expected, but the older I get I want MORE QUALITY friendships, not less. My husband and I are 11 years apart and he turned 70 this year. I think more and more about my life as I go forward and I need a support system. I am working on how to build this up…but when I can’t rely on people I’ve known for 20 years to spend a little time where is my brain to go? I am trying very hard to not go down a dark road.

I am used to being a bit of a loaner. I was a bit in school, especially junior high. I tried so hard back in the days before cell phones to get plans made with friends but often the plans fell through because everyone had something fucking else to do other than spend time with me.

Okay, here I am nearly 50 years later facing the same bullshit. So what am I going to do?

I will make a list:

Bicycling clubs – explore how to ride with people in my category…slower and older, but on a mission…

Social – yoga, gardening, dog training. Master gardeners that are not weirdos, people that value plants over politics, people that enjoy animals

Art – find people that enjoy simple art stuff

Animals – find people that are in balance with their love for animals and finding a social space where we can share information and help each other and help animals. This applies to my Talking-Paws business. https://talking-paws.com/

I don’t have all of the answers for all of the things that are so annoying about friendships and the ins and outs and lack thereofs and the whatevers of friendships…I wish I did, but I don’t which is the point of this blog…but one thing I can say is I am fucking done with lip service and lack of genuineness.

I am like my mother this way…if you don’t mean it then goddammit do not say it. If you do mean it…then say it, but more than that…DO IT. Show up if you mean it. Don’t pretend. When you make a commitment it means a lot to those that are asking. It is not something they take for granted or lightly. It means the world, actually.

They truly look forward to it or they would not ask to begin with.

Alrighty then…have a good night!